1. G is amazing and she deserves an amazing childhood. That's not to say that her childhood would suck if she had siblings, but it's no secret that it's hard to spoil your kids when you don't have the money to. We're never going to be rich, but if we keep it just the three of us we can give G the chance at more once in a lifetime opportunities. If we had more kids we would still try to do that, of course, but you have to agree it is a little harder.
2. I don't know if I can handle having a baby again. It wasn't too rough on my body. I have stretch marks, my lady parts are a little different, and I am a little flabbier, but on the whole I feel pretty good physically. The delivery went great, but the contractions were murder. The thought of those contractions are enough to make the thought of more kids pretty scary. The part I'm having the most difficulty with, is the post partum stuff. I'm not depressed, but there are days when I feel depressed, if you know what I mean. Most days I'm pretty happy, but suddenly I'm experiencing mood swings and my self esteem has gone down the toilet. My whole life I felt pretty good about myself. Yeah I could lose weight, but I loved myself. Now it's a real struggle feeling pretty, despite B's assurances that he loves me and loves how I look. There are days when I feel like the worst mother in the world because I don't want to hold G, or her incessant crying causes me to emotionally check out and I just sit there rocking her, hoping that B can come take her soon so that I can lock myself in our bedroom and cry. In all honesty, if I were to become pregnant right now or even in the next year, I would completely and utterly fall apart. I am certain that I would fall into a depression and it would take a lot of work to pull me out. I feel like I'm constantly on the edge right now, and I just don't want to feel this way ever again.
3. We're satisfied with G. She's great, we love her, and at this point there's just no real reason to think about makin' another baby. We're content with the three of us. I'm open to our opinion changing, but for now this is good.
At the end of the day, the decision to have another baby isn't up to us. We were not using birth control at all from about December 2010 to when I became pregnant. We left it up to God. It's my strong opinion that whether you're using protection or not, if God wants you to have a baby you're going to have a baby. Birth control isn't 100% effective. If I did become pregnant again in the near future, yes I might be a wreck emotionaly and mentally, but I think I would have the strength to take a step back and realize, God wouldn't give us something we can't handle. So many times in the months since G has been born we've wondered where we were going to get the money to care for her properly, and every time something has come through and I know that it's because we pray and ask God for help. G was a wonderful gift and God is definitely helping us take care of her.
So for now the plan is no more kids. But a few years down the road, who knows?
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