Clean

I'm just going to say it: I am a recovering hoarder.

If you ever visited our apartment in Saskatoon, you will know that I am not a neat freak. I had clutter everywhere. But you know what? That was not the worst I've been, by far.

As a teenager, I became incredibly messy. My room never had a floor and I'm not exaggerating. There would be a small footpath leading to my bed and that was it. Clothes and old toys and books and magazines would be strewn everywhere. My mom was constantly at me to tidy up and I would do it halfheartedly, but really I just didn't care. If you've been to the place we lived in Maple Creek, you would know that I had two huge closets in my bedroom. And you know what? They were both FULL of junk. Junk piled upon junk, spilling out of the doors. My friend A would come over pretty frequently and was constantly rolling her eyes at me and always tried to encourage me to do better. And maybe I would have done better if my life in MC hadn't been so bloody difficult. The ages of 11-17 were dark years for me and maybe that contributed to some of my problems.

We moved to GP and I was optimistic. New room, new start. I unpacked and organized all my things and my room looked really great. It looked like the room of a responsible 18 year old woman, just beginning her journey into adulthood and wanting to be taken more seriously by her parents. But then I couldn't get a job. And my dark days returned, though to a much lesser extant than when I was in MC (having the love of my life around helped considerably). My room began to clutter and once more my floor disappeared.

Then I did get a job, at the Thrift Store. This did NOT help. I had a staff 50% discount which killed me. My room rapidly filled with books, books, books! And mountains of clothes. I was honestly addicted. Every single day of work, I came home with a full bag of stuff. It was bad. The mess in my room grew. I was constantly tripping over things. When the phone rang, I had to maneuver over piles of stuff that were near 2 feet high. I'm not exaggerating! That is how bad it was. There was not a single empty surface in that bedroom. Frankly, it was embarrassing. I'm ashamed of the way I was. When I moved from GP to SK, I purged. Garbage bag after garbage bag after garbage bag went out my door. Most things were donated BACK to the Thrift Store. I couldn't believe what I had let myself become.

Things were better in Saskatoon, but I was just recovering from this previous life of being an absolute slob. It was hard to get out of the old habits, and although my apartment was less than pristine, I was proud of my progress. It was still hard to have people over sometimes, knowing they'd know I was messy, but that's who I was. They were my friends and I knew they would still be my friends.

Having G has changed me for the better. I now WANT to be tidy, and it doesn't take as much effort. I need a clean floor so that G can roll around and be safe and comfortable. I need a clean floor for myself, as well. My stress level decreases when my home is tidy and that is definitely a good thing because in MJ I am constantly stressed.

When we move back to Saskatoon, I will do even better. I will live in a home that looks like it belongs to an adult couple with a baby, not a home that looks like it belongs to frat boys. I am certain that I can do this.

I can be tidy and I WILL be tidy.